1. Western movie cowboy.  Do nothing all day but ride horses up the old cattle trail, seduce the boss’s daughter, and occasionally buck a bale of hay.

2. A good cop.  Bring down the corruption in the precinct from the inside.  Sometimes have to go over chief’s head, but reveal the deeper plot against him in the end and maintain friendship.

3. The guy in the Bic factory who tests all the pens, and lighters.  Get a lot of writing (or drawing of penises) done.  Also get paid to play with fire, and occasionally jack one of the lighters up to shoot fireballs, and send it on its way to market.

4. Slightly horror themed, not really scary per se, but definitely creepy and weird author.  They’d call me “The Poe of generation X”.  I’d refer to myself as “The Pox”.

5. Employee at Toys R Us.  My job consists of being privy to new action figure information, as well as a sweet discount on said figures.  Spend most of the day bantering with other comic book reading coworkers, and bonding by opening and shooting the nerf guns.